


The Course of True Love

by Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Category: Covert Affairs
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Female Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Mentions of Other Covert Affairs Characters, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26990833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/Magical_Misadventures_in_Miscellany
Summary: Annie Walker's heart condition means that her time in the CIA is over. She's chosen the rest of her life, or so she believes.   Auggie's moved on to someone else, and Annie is heavily involved with Ryan McQuaid. She agrees to go with him,  but alarm bells go off in her head when he proposes. After some frank advice from old friends, and a chance encounter with a former flame, Annie learns exactly what her heart wants.
Relationships: Arthur Campbell/Joan Campbell, Auggie Anderson & Annie Walker, Auggie Anderson/Annie Walker, Joan Campbell & Annie Walker, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Ryan McQuaid/Annie Walker, Zavier Extarte/Annie Walker
Kudos: 5





	1. Face The Truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who knows my love for Covert Affairs knows that I am typically a die-hard Walkerson shipper, so there are two versions of this story.  
> I was not a fan of the decision to pair Annie with Ryan McQuaid. So, here I am, changing the ending. I hope you like it. This time, I'm going for a blast from the past pairing and giving Annie's heart to Zavier Extarte, the chef who was her assignment in Season 2 Episode 11: The Wake-Up Bomb. Blame this on my current obsession with Santiago Cabrera. Also, the majority of this story is post-canon/canon divergent; most of it will be about 5 years post "Gold Soundz".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie makes a decision that will alter her life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those unfamiliar with the series, Covert Affairs was a spy drama centered around the character of Annie Walker and her career as an agent in the CIA. Most of Annie's CIA career was spent in the Domestic Protection Division until she left for a private security firm after learning that she had a heart condition. 
> 
> The intended relationship for this fanfiction is Annie Walker/Zavier Extarte. Zavier was a minor character who appeared in only one episode [Season 2, Episode 11: "The Wake-Up Bomb"] I realize that the character of Zavier was only in the series for one episode and never resurfaced, but that was exactly why I wanted to write this fanfiction- I am a fan of the actor who played him and felt the character loved Annie and deserved better. I do plan on writing another fanfiction pairing Annie with Auggie Anderson after the series finale, but that will not be this fic. Canon divergence lies ahead, you have been warned.)

Annie Walker stood frozen and completely stunned. Her life in the last few months had been a whirlwind, but it had all changed when Ryan McQuaid came into her life. Annie’s first love had always been and would always be the CIA. She had let many masters try to come in and replace those feelings for her, but nothing ever would. She was born to be a CIA agent. Annie had sacrificed so much for her career that it hurt to realize those days were long behind her.

Now, when she wasn’t clear-headed enough to give the right answer, the man who had deemed himself her savior was asking her to let go of everything she knew and take a giant leap of faith. Annie had made those kinds of leaps before. She had jumped through hoop after endless hoop. All she knew was relying on blind instinct; trusting a heart that might not be capable of the next leap. She tried to speak, but the words couldn’t leave her lips, not when Ryan was standing in front of her waiting for an answer.

Ryan McQuaid had torn Annie from everything she’d ever known. At the time, it had been a welcome respite because Annie was lost with no idea who to trust or why she believed what she was being told. She’d been hiding her heart condition from the CIA, desperate to cling to the life that had been her anchor. Everyone else she had ever been close to had let go. Now they were stuck in Argentina, with no help, no possible rescue, and Ryan was fool enough to think this was the right time to propose to her? What universe had given him that insane concept?

 _Goddamn it, McQuaid! You don’t love me, you’re caught up in the adrenaline of the moment. You’re making a stupid decision because you’re damaged and so am I! That makes you think this is going to work?_ In that moment, clarity dawned on Annie for the first time in over a year; she didn’t want to be here in Argentina facing certain death. She didn’t want to see a man on his knees right now asking her to spend the rest of her life with him. She couldn’t do that to him. God only knew how she wished she could give herself completely, but that was impossible. When she had been with Auggie or even Eyal, things had been entirely different. Annie felt desired. She knew they weren’t there on some pity party to pretend to love her. But Ryan had happened too fast, too soon, when her guard was down.

Even if she didn’t love him, she owed him the one thing she had always wished to get with the last person who had gotten this close; the truth. Ben Mercer had disappeared with a cryptic, tear-stained note and a lie. She was not going to do this again. Her heart had already been shattered multiple times before. She could remember it all. Ben, Auggie, Eyal, and of course the one who now lingered in her memories. . .

_Zavier._

Where was he? Had he kept himself safe? Annie had to laugh at her own questions; she didn’t know what safe was anymore. But she knew that choosing Ryan was a fool’s errand.

"Ryan . . .”, she began, watching his face fall. He knew what was coming.

“I understand, the timing’s wrong. I’m sorry, Annie.”

“No, I’m sorry. I know this is cold comfort, but I need you to trust me when I say this. We’re good friends, but we rushed into this thing on a whim of adrenaline. I know you’re not the sour-sweet first love that left me by myself on a beach in a foreign country with a note asking me to forgive him. But you do bring up memories of him for me. Painful ones; ones I thought I was over. I care about you, Ryan. But I have to be honest with you and myself— I don’t love you. Not that way.” She sensed Ryan’s anguish as he rose to his feet and hugged her tightly.

“It’s not Auggie, is it?”, he asked, trying to be supportive. Something deep inside him had known she would not say yes; he had rushed her and put her through hell to get where they were. He hadn’t even expected her to stay as long as she did. How someone else had not changed Annie Walker’s last name before he found her was something Ryan could not understand. Annie frowned, running her fingers through her hair.

“No. Auggie and I tried that once— we’re like you and me— too close for it to work. But I think you knew that even before you asked me. You’re desperate to hang on to something because you’re just learning how to feel again; the way I was when I came to work for McQuaid Industries. There’s something about my line of work. . .”

“No, I know that look. If I’m right, there’s only one person who can talk you through this. That’s okay. Go find Auggie, all right? You know he’ll know what to do. Oh, and Annie?”

“Hm?”

“Whoever this guy is; wherever he is? I hope he knows he’s got a hell of a woman coming back to him. Take care of yourself. Oh, and if he’ll let you, stay in touch, huh?”

“We’ll see. Bye, Ryan. I hope you find what you’re looking for someday.” She gave him one last smile, and then, with a flash of golden hair in the setting sun, she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie knows exactly what she has to do. But she can't help feeling bad about it.

Annie could not believe she had been so foolish. Ryan McQuaid was totally wrong for her and she knew it. She would be lying to herself if she did not admit that Ryan had cared for her, but he wasn’t the one who knew her. Now that she thought about it, she was not sure that anyone knew her anymore. She had changed so much in the last few years that even she didn’t recognize herself. Heart condition aside, the CIA was second nature to her now. She wanted to believe that she could trust her heart, but after it had betrayed her by taking the job she loved, she wasn’t sure anymore. 

She had spent so much of her time making excuses for Ryan. He had been her “salvation”. Being with him and being a part of McQuaid Industries, had been good for her in some ways. It put her in a position to do more for herself when the CIA had seemingly tossed her aside. She had been so wrong to put that amount of faith in a man, especially a man like him. Ryan had shown her a new world, one where she was in charge and she had the freedom to make her own choices. She had briefly gotten a taste of that freedom when she transferred into Lena’s section of the DPD, but it was short-lived. Even then, she was being used for someone else’s purposes. 

That was when she decided to make her own choices. She was inspired by what she’d seen while working for Lena. Her admiration and respect for her new boss led her to make choices that others might have frowned upon, to take leaps and chances that she would not have done otherwise. Annie knew then that she would not spend her entire life letting someone else tell her what to do. Learning that Lena was a double agent was hurtful, but the experience had made Annie stronger. She’d carried the lesson with her when she returned to working with Joan; back to the safety of what was familiar to her. Now the dynamic had changed again. Annie was back to shoving things down and not trusting her instincts. Or perhaps, she had been changed yet again, though she was uncertain what the cause might be this time. Warning bells had gone off in her head when Ryan proposed for reasons she had not been able to place because Ryan was there, asking her to marry him. 

There was one problem. Annie couldn’t deny that Ryan had made a proposal. He had seen the endgame, expected that they would survive. At least, that had been the latitude she had allowed him. They were in a life and death situation. She had felt chemistry in her relationship with him, but she didn’t know if that chemistry could translate into happiness. Annie knew she could not chalk the connection up to the fact that she’d been sent in to seduce Ryan, or had fallen into his bed as she had with her first love when she joined the CIA. ‘Organic’ wasn’t quite the right word either; it was difficult to put a label on the relationship. But perhaps she did not need to. It was a moot point now, anyway. She had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him— she had said yes. Ryan was the man she was meant to marry. She was supposed to be happy with him. Wasn’t she?

Wait, no. Supposed to be? Meant to? All of these questions were popping up now, and none of it made any sense. If she didn’t love Ryan, what was she doing here? She should never have said yes, and she knew it. Ryan was the perfect picture of everything she had ever thought she wanted. He had taken her to places that she never dreamed possible. But she had been ignoring all the signs; she had abandoned her entire world for him and what he wanted her to be. It resulted in losing the job she had spent an entire lifetime building. If she couldn’t have the CIA, then at least, she could have the man she loved.

The ticking clock began to pound in Annie’s ears. Her insides heaved, and she felt bile rising in her throat. She tried to take a breath, but every attempt felt like a struggle that she would never be able to win. Instead, she tried to focus on what was going on around her. She had never let herself imagine this kind of future. The job had always been in the way, and it always would be. Maybe it was fate. Before she could stop herself, she whispered, 

“Am I making a mistake?”

“I don’t think you are.”

“Oh! Ryan.” She should have felt a sense of relief; she loved Ryan and he made her feel comfortable. But now all she felt was desperation and sickness the likes of which she had never endured even on her most dangerous CIA mission. Her whole world was turning on its side again, and she was powerless to stop it. Ryan flashed her a smile. This time, it made her want to run screaming from the room.

“Hi. Did I startle you?” Annie didn’t answer; she chose to focus instead on the wall clock. Ryan’s apartment was gigantic in comparison to her own, but that was because she had so rarely spent any time there. She didn’t know anything about herself anymore, because all of it had been lost in Ryan. He was the most important thing in her life. Now he was about to give her the entire world, and she did not know if she wanted it anymore.

She had never allowed herself to feel such desolation and pain, and there was no reason for it now. She was not the naive young woman she had been before the start of her career in the CIA. Everything that she had done and lived through had led her to a new world, one where she had chosen a different path than she could ever have imagined. She wasn’t an agent anymore; she had left all of that behind and never doubted that choice, until now. She could still see the last mission they were on in the back of her mind. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the false start when Ryan had handed her a business card. He loved her enthusiasm and the way she rushed into a job with no concern for herself, only worried about others. 

She could remember a time when she was not concerned with her own safety. Ryan had given her a different outlook on her life. He had shown her how to face her fears and her heart condition. He had been a help to her, and she thought she had loved him, but maybe she was giving the man too much credit. She was the one who had chosen to work with him, who had removed herself from the world that meant everything to her. It took her several moments to realize that someone else was in the room. Annie nearly jumped out of her skin when she came face to face with him. 

“Hey, you. Uh, I’m sorry. I was just—I had a lot on my mind and I needed. . .” Annie wanted to find the words, but they wouldn’t come. Ryan found them for her. 

“It’s okay, Annie. I know. Everything has happened so fast- And that’s why this is so important to me. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you and I am tired of running from that. That’s why I wanted to do this— to show you that I was serious. I want you to know you have a safe place to land with me.” A safe place to land; that was what Annie needed. She did not need to spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder and wishing for a way out. Everything Annie knew was screaming at her to get out of here, to run from the place and never look back. She had always told herself that when she fell in love, she would want to be with that person and it would not be a chore to be with him. It was not supposed to be a chore to be with Ryan. 

“We don’t have to do this tonight, Annie. We can still cancel.”

“Yeah, um. Maybe we should. Ryan. I’m sorry to put you through this, but I don’t know if we’re ready to get married.” Before she could answer, a doorbell rang. In walked the one person Annie had thought she would never see again. She had never forgotten those curls, the brown eyes, that voice. She turned to face the opened door, and nearly fainted at the familiar voice. 

“Hola, Annie.”

* * *

Annie jolted awake, disturbed by the buzzing of her alarm. Seriously? Had she simply dreamed all of this?

“Zavier. . .” But there was no answer. Zavier Extarte had likely left DC a long time ago, and Annie was certain she would never see him again. For his safety, she had not been allowed to keep in touch with him after he had agreed to testify against the actions of the separatist organization whose name translated to Basque Country and Freedom. So why couldn’t she get the man off her mind. She needed a shower to wash these memories off of her, to find the clarity she needed. Auggie was still trying to locate Zavier, so she had decided that the only thing to do was what her CIA training had taught her to do best: Wait. She laughed, remembering how she’d told her sister that she did “a lot of waiting” after reading her in. That had happened right before the failed mission that led to her taking a small vacation. 

Maybe it was time for another one. She needed time to feel clear about her own choices, and she had the time. Her bosses knew that she was one of the most talented agents they had. Her decision to return to the CIA in spite of her heart condition had been the best thing she could have ever done. It had cost her Ryan, but it seemed like that was a fair trade-off for having the career she loved.

It was time to start over, and Annie was not looking back anymore. She would be happy and live her life, without worrying about what anyone else thought. She would not let them dictate her life anymore. This was going to be her fresh start, and she could not wait to see where it led her. 


	3. Chapter 3

Annie knew the minute she left Ryan’s side that she was on a fool’s errand. She didn’t care. Having a heart condition that forced her to give up everything she loved had taught her that she needed to listen when her heart was guiding her. That conscious voice in the back of her mind had rarely if ever, steered her wrong, and she hoped it was not about to start. Ryan had assumed she was going to find Auggie, that she had chosen him. But Annie knew Auggie too well; he had been wounded by her twice now, and there was no way they could be anything more than friends. He would always care about her, but any chance of being with him was gone.  
  
Auggie had moved on from her and from the CIA, deciding to work with Natasha Petrovna. Annie knew that Natasha had always held pieces of Auggie’s heart. She was happy that he had found someone to care about him. But where did that leave her? Thankfully, Auggie had promised her that Natasha wasn’t a jealous woman, and he would still be there to help her whenever she needed him. Right now would be an opportune time for some assistance. Annie didn’t know for sure if Auggie could help her, but with his expert skills she did know there was little that her friend could not do when he put his mind to it. As if on cue, Annie’s phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She couldn’t help a chuckle when she heard the voice on the other end.  
  
“You are a hard woman to track when you don’t want to be found, Annie Walker.”  
  
“That all depends on who’s looking for me, I’d think. You have your ways, Auggie.”  
  
“That I do. Now, where in the world are you, and how can I help?”  
  
“That’s a long story.”  
  
“Things are quiet here. I got the time. Besides, it’s been a while since I heard some good gossip. . . And you are clearly in an emotional state and need a friend. Lay it on me.” Annie had to laugh. Auggie knew her entirely too well, so well that at times she was frightened. That was part of what had made falling in love with him so easy when she knew they were not built to last. Auggie carried more scars than she knew and he had guided her through so many scrapes that she lost count.

“You sure your girlfriend’s okay with that?”

“Annie, don’t. You know she knows all of it already. She knows where my heart is and she knows that I can’t just walk away when you and I worked so closely for so long. I don’t want our friendship to fall by the wayside because I’m involved with someone else.” Annie had to smile. She hadn’t seen Auggie so happy in a long time, and she was glad that he had finally found what he needed. He smiled on the other end of the line, waiting for her to open up.

“Now what’s wrong.”, he prompted after a few moments. Annie let the whole story spill out; how they had nearly died and Ryan had proposed. Auggie listened patiently, knowing that Annie needed to get it out of her system. He wanted to be there for her.  
  
"I need your help. There’s someone from a past mission I need to find. Please don’t ask me to explain.”  
  
“C’mon, Walker. Use your head, I don’t have those kinds of connections any more.”  
  
 _But we both know you still have the resources, Auggie._ , mused Annie, knowing she didn’t need to say it. He knew her far too well, they didn’t need words for this sort of request. Auggie would do anything to ensure Annie’s happiness. He had always felt he owed her that much. In a sudden flash of realization, he opened his laptop and began typing furiously. There was only one living asset that Annie had been that close to. It was the one she had let get away from her years before. He knew all too well that Annie had been stuck on this asset for a long time. He wanted to see her happy, and if he could do anything to help, then there was no question. It had been nearly three years since she had seen Zavier, but that would not keep Auggie from wanting to assist her in finding him if that was what Annie wanted. He was confused by the fact that Annie, strait-laced and diligent, had chosen to tie herself to a man who was all about overthrowing political power, the very antithesis of everything she’d worked for as an agent of the DPD. But then, he supposed, neither of them had those ties anymore— he had left for love and Annie had decided to go on a trip around the world with a man who was so wrong for her it hurt Auggie to hear about it.  
  
“Hey, Annie?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Ya gotta tell me who you’re lookin’ for. I’m good, but I ain’t that good. Even the best of us need breadcrumbs.”  
  
“It’s you, Auggie. You’re being modest. But you’re going to hate me when I tell you.”  
  
“Give me some credit, Walker. I do love you, still. And I know your type. I know exactly who you’re looking for. Thankfully my contacts kept tabs on Zavier Extarte.” Auggie was teasing her by mentioning Zavier’s name. He had always loved watching her get flustered, but this was different. In the back of his mind, he wondered what they might have done differently if she hadn’t left and chosen McQuaid Industries. Would he have returned to Natasha so quickly? Could he have stayed and loved her the way she so desperately needed to be loved?

Annie was troubled by the silence on the other end, but she said nothing. Auggie had wrestled with the decision to go with Natasha and she knew it. But she also know how reckless she had made him. That was dangerous for a man like Auggie whose temper sometimes got the best of him. If she were being honest, it wasn’t Auggie that got her heart racing when she thought of him. She remembered the night at Extarte when Zavier had met her as she read her book. She could still see the smile in his eyes, the confidence that he knew what he was doing.

“You know, Auggie, things like this are why you and I can still be friends.”

“You have a thing for bad boys, Annie. I’m a little too strait-laced for that one.”, Auggie chuckled lightly, making her laugh, too. It was light and musical, and let him know that she was not angry with him for anything he had said, or for choosing someone else. They both knew how difficult it would be to keep the spark in their relationship. Annie needed more than just physical chemistry with someone she was going to spend the rest of her life with.  
  
“You’d be a hell of a wingman, you know.”  
  
“Oh, every time. Not that you need one, but hey, if things don’t work out with Zavier I’d be happy to. For what it’s worth though, I hope they do. You’re a fine woman, Walker. If it’d been right, you know I’d move heaven and Earth to get you back in my arms.”  
  
“So can you help me locate him?”  
  
“Gimme about twenty to work and I’ll call you back. Oh and Annie?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“If Zavier is still single, and I were you? I’d hightail my ass to wherever he wound up. Sounds like it’s time for you to go get your man.”  
  
“Auggie!”

“Hey, I’m allowed to drag you. You deserve to be happy, though. And if he’s what does it, then who am I to stand in love’s way? I’ll hit you back when I know more. Auggie out.” With a click, the line disconnected. Annie could only shake her head. But she was thankful that she wouldn’t be alone. This journey was going to be difficult for her, but she had faced death and beaten it more than once. How hard could love be?


	4. Chapter 4

Zavier Extarte was accustomed to looking over his shoulder each day as he walked to his new restaurant. He missed the fish market and being able to spend time there every morning. He might have adjusted better to his new circumstances if he had someone who cared and wanted to be part of his life. Things had never been the same after he met Annie Walker. Annie had gotten under his skin in more ways than he cared to admit. Now he was alone, and no one could match the connection he had once had with her.

He tried to put her out of his mind, but she was and always would be the one who got away. He had not met a woman since her who had taken such an interest in his language and culture. At first he had believed she’d even charmed Gorka. Then the ruse had fallen apart. He’d been angry and believed Annie wanted nothing to do with him. The best thing he could do for her was to stay far away and forget about her. He was in hiding now. If any of Gorka’s friends knew where he was or that he had gotten close to a CIA agent. He had done his best to keep her away from his “friends” in the Separatist Movement who believed that he owed them the courtesy of sharing everything with them, since many of them were finishing prison sentences and had not felt the touch of a woman for many years.

Zavier had not wanted to expose Annie to that kind of desperation. He remembered how prison had changed him for the better; made him determined that this was a road he would not travel again. So far, that promise had been kept. There was not, however, a single day that passed that he did not worry about Annie or wonder what had happened to the woman. Had she found someone to love her the way he had wanted to do when she left his restaurant the night they met? He had never wanted to take advantage of a woman who was clearly inebriated. Now that he thought back on the incident, he realized that the reason she had become so adamant that he not see her home was because she was protecting herself. She had likely been living in some kind of safe house.

 _Put her out of your mind; she’s gone and there’s no way you will ever see her again._ He knew that if they found one another, the only thing that would come of it was an evening of passion; perhaps a few if he was that lucky. She was not the kind of woman who belonged under him; nor would she be content. He wanted to believe that she had found someone who was perfect for her; someone who could give her the world without having to spend the rest of their lives running from someone who wanted to harm him for being a snitch. He hated the idea of putting those he loved in danger. The only way he kept them safe was to stay alone, no matter how much it hurt.

It had been only five years or so since his restaurant had been blown up by a bomb made from a Cava bottle; A message from his own brother to support the mission or perish with everyone else. What a fool he had been to explode at Annie and believe that all of this was her fault when it was Gorka who had backed them both into a corner. He had wanted to stay in the city. But back then, he had also desperately attempted to recover from his losses, only to find that there was not much assistance available to him. The best that he could do was to take what he had, and start over. Gorka was out of his life now, and he had no one else to turn to; no other contacts in the city but the woman who had cost him everything. Where would he find his own home between homes?

He had debated a return to Spain. Word was that ETA had disbanded now and their activities had ceased. Did that mean he might safely go back to his beloved Basque homeland? No, that was a risk he could not take. There were too many people there who had known him; too many recognizable faces who might view him as a traitor. Always a chance that a radical might find him, realize who he was, and attempt to kill him for some twisted moment of glory. Perhaps if he went to another of Spain’s self-governed regions, he would settle and find a new place to call home, maybe even a girl to marry.

Zavier refused to spend the rest of his life in hiding. That was where he had been since his restaurant had been destroyed. He realized the need to stop living in fear and return to what was normal. But how could he, when his entire world had imploded in front of him? Perhaps he needed a fresh perspective, a chance to travel a little and see where it led him. Maybe it was time to find his own “home between”.

 _The very thing I thought I had found when we came to Washington._ , he thought, chuckling a bit at the memory. He had spent so long running from his past that he had not been prepared when it caught up with him. The last few years had been a struggle to pull himself back from what felt like the edge of his own world; a world he had closed off in a desperate attempt to avoid being hurt again by someone he should have been able to trust.

There was a part of him that wondered what had happened to the people who had been around him then. The employees at his restaurant had become his family. There was only one other person who had mattered to him at that point beyond his blood family. He did not know where she had landed, and he had spent too long trying to make himself believe he did not care. No matter what the voices in his mind told him, she was always there. She would always be a part of his life in a way that he could not explain to those who had not seen everything he had gained and lost in those few short weeks. Annie had left a mark that would always remain.

He was determined not to waste any more of his time hiding and pretending that everything was okay when he knew better. What he needed was to relax. Now he only needed to find the perfect place.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie gets some sound advice from someone with her best interests at heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made a few major updates to this work to explain some things for people who might not have seen the series.

Annie hated the idea of waiting for Auggie to call back with more information. She had relied far too heavily on him for such a long time, and now, she had little to give back to him. Maybe it was time for her to stand on her own. She had spent so much time relying on the resources that the CIA provided her that it was going to take a while before she could do those things for herself. She knew she should not have roped Auggie into helping her. A pang of guilt washed over her, but she fought back the tears. Now was the perfect time for her to prove to herself that she was capable, without Auggie, of doing something that meant more to her than the job ever had.

* * *

Joan Campbell smiled to herself as she heard her phone ring, already anticipating a call from her favorite operative. Annie was nothing if not dependable, and Joan had quickly learned that it was possible for her to make connections with her co-workers when she was off the clock. The trick had been learning to balance the professional with the personal, and not let her feelings for one operative or another get in the way. Still, there were people that remained soft spots for her and always would be. Annie Walker was one of those soft spots. 

“Joan? I’m sorry to bother you, but I. . .” Joan could hear the uncertainty on the other end of the line. Annie was questioning the very idea of making this call. If she had taken the time to think it through, she never would have gone through with it in the first place. What had she been thinking? Calling her former boss this way crossed a line that Annie knew she could never get back over, no matter how hard she tried. Anyone could have told her this was a mistake. She nearly hung up, but then Joan surprised her. She offered to help. 

“It’s all right, Annie. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I know I agreed to come back to work with you. But I realized there are some things I need to do before I do. There’s one person I need to find. I need you to tell me I’m not making a mistake with this.” Joan sat straight up in her chair, mulling over the possibilities. Annie was the one operative who had been reliable and rarely complained. They had disagreements, but the mutual respect that had developed as they learned to work through those challenges was deeper than anything they could have imagined. Annie would not be calling if it was not important. Joan knew that Annie needed a deeper level of support than most of the operatives she had spent her career monitoring and mentoring. Annie needed a place where it was safe for her to be herself. It was difficult to undo years of thinking like a CIA operative, always watching over her shoulder and waiting for the next shoe to drop. She was fighting years of fear and training that had taught her to be extra cautious. 

Her relationship with Joan had not been an easy one to build, but it had been cultivated over years of operations and assets, and Annie would not trade it for the world. It was Joan who had taught Annie the value of giving herself a little slack when she needed it. But now she had blown her last chance all to hell. As amazing as Joan Campbell was, she could not and would not use her resources to pull Annie out of a mess if she went in without thinking things through. Joan had tried to teach Annie all she needed to know as an operative, but there was only so much she could do when experience had been Annie’s best teacher. Losing Annie to private security work had been difficult for the department, and it had been hard for Joan to separate herself from that loss, as much as she knew she should try. She was the head of the Domestic Protection Division now, and she needed to think more like Annie’s boss than like her friend. Even Annie could see it. 

“How long do you think this is going to take, Annie? We need you back here as soon as possible. You’re invaluable to us, you know that? The strings I had to pull to get you this back. . .”, Joan’s voice trailed. She had not meant to lecture her, or make her feel that she had made some glaring error that would cost them. She softened, if only for a moment, and considered how Annie must be feeling right now. What would it mean to Joan to have everything she had ever loved torn away from her? What would she do if she could not see her husband again because of a health issue? 

“I wish I knew. I want to tell you that it will only be a few weeks, and that all I need is to get my head on straight. But I’m not sure it’s that easy, Joan. There are some things I need to work through, and I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to do that and get my head on straight to do the job. You know how that is. I just need—.”, Annie trailed, trying to figure out exactly what that meant for her. What was she looking for now that she had the career she loved back within her reach?

“I think you do know. I know that working with me was a very—sheltering experience. I’m sorry for that. You’ve done a lot of things for the sake of the job that most women would never think twice about, and it’s not fair to you to just expect you to jump back in head first. I know that your heart is a huge factor in this; I’m asking you to trust what it tells you. I’m going to try to send you on the least stressful ops we have. You’ll have someone with you in case you need the support. I want to do all I can to protect you, Annie. But I also know you well enough to know there’s something here that you’re afraid to tell me. Why don’t we meet for coffee later? Not as boss and employee, but as friends. That way, you can tell me what’s really going on without feeling like you’re leaving me hanging somehow when you do it?” Annie was stunned by the offer, but she knew it might be the only way to get her reservations out in the open. 

“O. . . Okay. I’d like that.” Relief swept over Annie’s entire body. She had not realized how much tension she was carrying in her shoulders until the call ended. She had been so concerned with the prospect of leaving her fieldwork behind that she had not bothered to ask about any of the other things she wanted to know. Oh, well. She was used to landing on her feet now. All she had to worry about was meeting Joan and convincing her that she was ready to get back to work. 

An hour later, Annie was seated at a table in a local cafe with Joan across from her. One look into her former boss’s eyes betrayed the concern she felt. Annie wanted to reassure her, to tell her that everything was going to be fine, but she knew what a lie that was. A woman with Joan’s training would see right through it. For her part, Joan was trying to stay impartial. Annie was not a green operative fresh off the training program anymore. Joan knew that she did not need to sugar-coat the situation. It was best for her to be frank and honest because Annie needed to know that someone was in her corner. 

“Just want to remind you that anything you tell me here isn’t going to be held against you when we get back to work, Annie. I’m not your boss, not right now. Right now, I’m just a friend who’s concerned about you.”

“Joan, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be putting you in this position. You may be my friend, but you’re my boss first.”

“What position are you putting me in, Annie? I’m a seasoned operative who is literally wed to one of the Agency’s biggest power players. I think I can pull my own ass out of the fire if I need to. Come on. You need to trust me if we’re going to work together again. If that trust is going to develop, then we have no choice but to be honest with one another.”

“There’s one op I’ve never been able to get off my mind. I mean, it’s been years, and it wasn’t ever supposed to be the way it ended up.”

“Which asset?”

“Zavier Extarte.”

“Annie, you know the policy on this.”

“Which is why I want to find him now— before I officially become an operative again. Joan, I know how stupid this sounds but I— I still have regrets about how things ended with him. Besides, he was cleared. I was there when the restaurant got blown up. I saw his face. He had no idea what those wine bottles really were. He testified to it in court and the jury believed him. Zavier was charming, but he was not that good at lying, or at hiding his emotions. He nearly came for my throat when he found out what was going on.” Joan knew the look in Annie’s eyes all too well. She had realized that Annie felt connected to her asset after the operation was over. She wondered if letting Annie have contact with him again was a wise idea. Zavier Extarte had kept himself off the CIA’s radar ever since he testified to help them catch his brother. 

“Zavier’s still a foreigner. There is no way to know if he has citizenship in the United States, and even he did, I don’t know if things would go well for you two. You did make him turn on his family. I thought he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to see you again after everything that happened.”

“He saved my life, Joan. The last time I saw him, he was picking up the ruins of his restaurant from a bombing. I saved him from that explosion. When Gorka realized who I was, who I worked for, it was Zavier who saved me. He fought his own brother for me. Do you know for sure that he didn’t stay? Or at least try to become a dual citizen? Spain allows for that, right?”

“They do, but we don’t know what he did. We’re pretty sure he’s not in D.C. now. We don’t think he has been for years.” Joan had a point. Annie would need to find Zavier first. She could not use CIA resources to do so when it wasn’t connected to an operation. Annie sank into her chair as Joan mulled over the possibilities for a moment. 

“Have you thought about talking to Auggie? He’s not one of ours anymore, so it could be off the CIA books. He’s good enough that he might never be tracked. This clearly means a lot to you, and I know how it feels. Zavier was never just an op to you.”

“No, he wasn’t. When I met him, I was supposed to be on vacation anyway. Remember, it was right after I screwed up that op in Italy. I was so embarrassed. I just needed time to clear my head. I wandered into Extarte for dinner one night and Zavier and I hit it off.” Blushing heat rose in Annie’s cheeks. She’d never told Joan this part of the encounter before because she hadn’t needed to know. She had dismissed it at the time, assuming that Annie had formed a connection, and beyond reminding her that operatives were not permitted to date foreigners, she had said nothing. She had not wanted to overstep her boundaries. She opened her mouth, and then closed it again as Annie paused for a breath. It was clear from the look on Annie’s face that she knew exactly what Joan was thinking. 

“We didn’t sleep together that night. I made the mistake of mixing alcohol and painkillers. He took me back to his place because I was still conscious enough not to let him know where my safe house was. He assumed I was married. He made me breakfast when I woke up, and then went to the fish market.”

“Annie. I’m sure you know how risky this is. But if I know you like I think I do, you’re not going to let this go. So do what you can. For what it’s worth, I hope you do find Zavier. I wouldn’t worry about your relationship much, either. We don’t really encourage agents to sleep with assets for information, you remember how I was when you balked at the prospect?”

“Yeah. But also, Zavier’s not an asset anymore.”

“This is true. I wish you luck, Annie. I’ll give you about three weeks and then I expect you to be ready to get to work.”

“Thank you, Joan.”

“Don’t thank me 'til you’ve found him. I hope he’s as forgiving as you seem to believe he will be.” After a bit more discussion and a few pleasantries, Annie left the restaurant and tried to determine her next steps. For the first time in a very long time, she was going to do the one thing the job had taught her to avoid: trusting her heart instead of her head. She could only hope it would not betray her.


End file.
